After a long day at work, I decided to give my Five Fingers another shot at the gym. I work them all day at work without socks for the first time. I’d been avoiding that, since you end up with stinky shoes that need to be washed when you don’t use the socks. But, like a genius, I only bought one pair of socks in the beginning, so they need to be washed and I couldn’t time it so I’d have them for this morning.

So I went sockless to work and the gym. No major complaints. I was definitely less comfortable all day and more cognizant of my toes being trapped inside little toe caskets with no breathing room.

It’s a little tougher to keep the Classics on my feet without the socks. Socks apparently act as a sort of adhesive. I took the plunge and jumped on the treadmill. After a short walk, I upped the speed to 5 miles per hour and started to jog.

It was precisely at this point that my entire body stood beside myself, looked at me with significant concern, and said, “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

To which I replied: “I’m jogging… I think. No, I am. Definitely jogging. Yes. This is jogging.”

To which my body replied: “This sucks. We’re about to fall apart. You’re not as light as you used to be. This sucks big time.”

And so it went. I jogged for a whopping FIVE MINUTES before reducing speed and walking for six. After my heartrate slowed to only a slightly cataclysmic pace, I upped the speed to 5.5 mph and jogged for another minute until a cramp began to confidently form near my lower ribs. I decided to have mercy upon myself and everyone who would come into contact with me later that night and I reduced speed and walked it out.

All in all, I spent about 16 minutes on the treadmill. It’s not much, I know. But I’ve barely exercised for the past two years, so give me a break! This is exercise AND rehab rolled into one.

As for the Five Fingers, they held up just fine. I was suprised, actually, that the shoes were the least of my concern. The much LARGER concern was the fact that my legs felt like they had been betrayed and reattached to a sumo. It will take a diplomat’s skill to entice them into another running session anytime in the near future.